It is time in your life to move on and no longer be held hostage by those who are unwilling to apologize or reconcile with you. We want family or friends who have wronged or violated us to admit their actions. We want an apology for what they have done to us, but often there is a flat denial of committing any wrong against us. Sometimes reconciliation is impossible.
I encourage you to understand you can forgive someone and not receive an apology in return. I know you want justice, but forgiveness is for you, and not dependent upon anyone’s reaction. I encourage you to understand the great divide between forgiveness and reconciliation. You can forgive, but it takes two to reconcile. You can be entirely willing to forgive someone, but if the other person is unwilling, reconciliation is impossible no matter what you do.
Forgiveness is an internal action and discipline of your heart, while reconciliation is an outward process where your relationship can be healed and restored. Reconciliation can only occur if the other person is willing too.
Jesus would speak to us; I urge you not to mull over and over in your head how wrongly others have behaved toward you. When you center your attention on their conduct, it becomes a self-inflicted injury. It is natural to want to validate and direct your anger toward the people who hurt you when they failed to take responsibility to love and nurture you as they should. It is essential, however, not to let the feeling of resentment you may have toward them capture and hold your heart hostage. (The Sting of Being Misunderstood)
Learn as tricky as it may be for you to accept that things are the way they are. They have never apologized up to now, and without my love and grace, understand they probably never will.
Come and rest in the assurance I bore in my flesh, your doubts, and questions as I walked to the cross. My purpose was to identify with you so you would know that I understand the heartache you feel deep in your soul from the broken promises and unforgiving relationships in your life.
Also, remember on that walk to the cross I didn’t count your sins or failures against you either. Likewise, forgive your loved ones, as I forgave you and also your enemies. Forgive them for not being God to you and meeting all your emotional and spiritual needs. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as I forgave you.
Grieve for what happened to you and what might have been in your life forgive yourself and the other person, letting go of the resentment and blame. As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Here is the good news if you have done all you can to live at peace with them and they continue to resist any responsibility for their actions, you can be at peace with me. You can live in the power of my forgiveness without the need for reconciliation, free from condemnation, bitterness, and anger. And most of all you don’t need to let anyone hold you, hostage, any longer.
Rom. 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. NIV
Col. 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. NIV
A wonderful book by Wayne Muller of breaking free from emotional bondage.
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